I think sometimes people start getting a little worried about me after I write the “downer” types of entries like the previous one….So for those of you who are wondering, I’m fine!! Don’t we all have difficult days? Don’t we all go through periods of time when you simply find yourself struggling to balance your life and juggle priorities? Kim went to hear some speaker recently and this woman was talking about how all of us have problems. All of us have our struggles and challenges and issues that wear on us. Yesterday the message in church was a good one, and Kim and I both said afterwards that it felt like the preacher was speaking directly to us. The primary message was that we all face “storms” in our lives. Obviously some more than others, but God provides these challenges for us and he allows us the grace to be able to withstand the challenges – as long as we face these challenges with Him and doing it HIS way. It struck a chord.

Things have been going better it seems. What’s the latest with our family? Well, Carson came down with yet another ear infection last week. He has basically had one ear infection after another since December. Kim and I are wondering weather it is time to go to an ear, nose, and throat doctor – but the pediatrician thinks there is no real concern or need to do that at this point. The threat of hearing loss scares us, and we don’t want to just sit and do nothing if Carse is in the process of suffering permanent hearing loss. Jackson has been registered for Kindergarten in the Fall. He is excited about it, but he is worried that he will be placed in a class that doesn’t have any of the friends that he has made in daycare/preschool. He passed the screenings with flying colors and the people at the school said that he is in great shape to be “a successful kindergartener”. By the way, it is very strange taking your child in to get registered for school in the very same elementary school in with you attended 26 years earlier. The other things going on for Jackson is that he has been signed up for tee-ball, but we have not heard back from the people organizing the league. I even signed up to be a coach and there has been no word whatsoever and here we are and it is almost May. Not sure what the deal is with that. Kim is winding down the school year and, of course, she is looking forward to the Summer. She recently suffered the loss of one of her aunts, which caused her to be away from our family for a couple of nights while she was in West Virginia. This was the first time for something like this so it was not easy for any of us. Since the last posting, I have had a chance to get a few things done that have been on my mind for awhile now. I got the garage cleaned up the best I could until we have a yard sale and get rid of some junk. I also have been able to get out and mow for the first time this Spring. Lastly, I have been able to get out to the front of our property and cut down all those briars and brush that had grown up over the drainage pipe that goes under the road in front of our house. That was a damn tough job and I felt like one of those little things that people store push pins in by the time I was done. But it looks a heck of a lot better. I got outside and worked on the gardens and planted some flowers. That always is good for the soul. Great therapy, it’s just finding the time to do it. The weather over the weekend was absolutely perfect, so that helps too.

Sorry no pictures in this post. That makes two in a row. I’ll have to make up for that next time.

I don’t know what my problem is the last couple of days. I feel just spent. I’m tired. I’m not feeling good. Low energy. I have not been motivated to do much. Why do I feel like the Kevin Spacey character on “American Beauty”? I mean, I doubt that I will be going into Taco Bell tomorrow morning and asking to have a position with the least amount of responsibility – but I can understand why he did it. The thing is, I cannot be this way. Maybe I can get by with being like this for one day, but more than that is not going to work out too well long term.

The constant demands of my time and energy have caught up to me. I’m probably being selfish, here, but I think it is fair to say that 80 percent of my time is devoted to helping other people and serving them. Carson is going through some very demanding times right now. Constant whining. This is normal for 15 month olds. Nothing pleases him for long. You know, when you have been at work all day taking care of other people and solving their problems, then you drive home 45 minutes, when you get home you are supposed to enjoy a pleasant evening with your family, right? Isn’t that the way it is supposed to work? Finally get home to relax, have fun, and enjoy your wife and family. Boy, I’d like to. I would like for things to be that way. When I get to within 5 minutes of the house on the way home, I start thinking, “OK, this is going to be a great evening”. And it is, for 3-4 minutes, after the hugs and kisses. Then it just gets numbing, because you are already exhausted and you have another 4 hours of nonstop tasks and busyness and redirecting. I do not want things to be that way. I do not want to have that attitude. But night after night, this is the scenario.

I just stood in the garage at 3:45 am this morning looking around. The furnace was having problems for the third night in a row and I was waiting for it to kick on. I was just standing there, disgusted at the condition of our garage. It is a freakin disaster. When will it ever get taken care of? Perhaps some weekend in a month or two it will get taken care of. Then, again, maybe not. Because we are approaching that time of they year when something’s going on every weekend. Jackson has been having problems, too. Last week, on consecutive days, he threw Grandma’s glasses across the room and he kicked Ma’am and told her she was a bad Ma’am. I think he has not responded well to the chaos that is his daycare situation right now. Our sitter dropped a bomb on us a couple of months ago that she was not going to be watching kids anymore. We had two weeks to figure out who is the hell would be taking care of our little boys. That’s a big decision, and one that I was not eager to make quickly. The result? Daycare facility on Monday, Thursday, Friday – my mom watches them Wednesdays, and Marie watches them Tuesdays. We can’t tell you how much we appreciate they help!!! Nonetheless, three different settings within a span of five days is not very stable for these young ones who need stabilization. That means three different sets of rules, three different schedules, etc. We just want to get through the school year and re-assess the situation. This is just a band-aid.

What I know is this: we have got to make some changes. More structure….more organization…more planning…more focus…more consistency. The problem is, in my eyes, that we need to get things in real good shape and get “caught up” before any change of lasting integrity will occur. The closets need cleaned out, the aforementioned garage needs cleaned out, dressers need cleaned out and old crap taken to Goodwill. Gravel needs to be ordered for the driveway and we need to purchase a shed to free up some space in the garage. The vehicles need to be cleaned up real good and the laundry room needs to be organized and used properly. Our house is in no way huge, but it is big enough, as long as we stay on top of the clutter. So – I know what to do. I know how to do it. But making time to accomplish these things right now is the real challenge. I need a week off work (which I just had a week off work to go to Gatlinburg!) when someone will watch the boys, and I just bust my ass getting these things taken care of. Otherwise this process will either not happen, or it will be strung out over the course of several months, and I not sure our family can wait that long before going flat-out nutso. But overall, things are good – really.

What a Birthday!

Rod & Reel: $20.00

Life Vest: $40.00

Padded Chair: $20.00

Large Mouth Bass: priceless

Happy Birthday, Nanny! We all love you!

Thanks to Aunt Connie for the contribution to TWN.

Smokies View, Part Duex

Here is part two out of two of our Spring Break posts. The first one was mostly views and stuff but this one has more pics of us doing stuff. I had mentioned that we went to the Ripley’s Aquarium. We were pretty impressed and felt it was worth the $44 it cost us to get in. We saw some four-eyed fish, piranha, barracuda, and frog-fish – but the best part was the huge aquarium with the sharks, eels and giant sea-turtles. Like I said before, we went “underneath” the surface with the sharks and they were swimming directly above us – very freaky. As you can see by this picture, Jackson was having a good time.

We had picnics at local parks on Tuesday and Wednesday. After eating our ham and cheese sandwiches courtesy of the local Kroger, the boys got to play on the playgrounds. I managed to catch a good one of Carse and Kim enjoying the swings here:

And perhaps my best shot of the trip, here is little Carson grinning at me as he was climbing up some steps at the playground.

Two years ago, when we were down there, Jackson (almost 3 at the time) picked out a “silly hat” like the one Steve wore on his Blue’s Clues movie. He just had to have it. You should have seen the look on people’s faces as we strolled through Gatlinburg with his shades and this silly hat on. Here is a shot of him (at the time) by a really cool fountain. I recall that he was dancing and entertaining the passers-by.

(The friggin file will not upload!!!)

Here he is, two years later at the exact same fountain – sans the silly hat.

By the way, if you have never driven through the mountains with two children who both have ear infections, you ought to try it sometime. I think you would enjoy the screams as you enjoy the breathtaking scenery.

SMOKIES VIEW

We got back late Thursday night from our Spring Break trip to Gatlinburg. We had a really good time, I think....Those vacations that could be classified as "relaxing" are still probably a few years away, and we know that, but we still had a really good time. We were fortunate enough to get good weather pretty much the whole time, as well as the trip down and back. The boys traveled well and it helped that Jackson was able to watch Scooby Doo 2, The Incredibles, Ice Age, etc. on the way. You would not believe the view from the cabin we stayed in (here's a look).

We definitely kept busy and made the most of our time there. We had for years heard about the Applewood restaurant and had always talked about trying to eat there sometime. Well, this time we found it and ate there Tuesday night. It was the best meal I have had in years...It was so awesome....the food kept coming and every damn crumb of it was so delicious. We also went to Ripley's Aquarium of the Smokies and were in awe of the cool fish and underwater wildlife, particularly the sharks....it was one of those deals where you get on a moving sidewalk type thing and go underneath the water with the sharks and stuff. Very cool. Of course we also drove through Cade's Cove (not to be confused with property of Jackson Cade Whited). I don't think any trip to the area is complete without doing that. We did not see any bears, but we did see tons of deer, some wild turkeys, and some of the most picturesque We rode go carts at The Track and played miniature golf at Ripley's Old MacDonald miniature golf. We had picnics on Tuesday and Wednesday and played at playgrounds afterwards. Did manage to get a small amount of outlet mall shopping done, as much as two little one's will allow.

Here are a few shots that turned out pretty good:

Not long after we arrived Monday evening, here is what the sunset looked like from the deck. Very nice!!!!

A shot of the "Smokies View" Cabin we stayed in: